On Trusting the Lord…

Exactly two years ago, I got up from my desk at work and fell to my knees.

I had endured weeks of internal (and external) conflict in the office as I began to realize that the company’s morals did not align with my own, as well as a more difficult truth. A friend I loved and trusted had been using and manipulating me for years.

My heart was broken. I had pride in the life I had built for myself - and I knew that was the problem.

I prayed. I asked God to deliver me from all of it, and bring me to the life HE had designed for me.

I remember saying, “I’m scared it will be hard, but I trust you.”

I quit my job without notice and left. I lay in bed and cried for days.

I felt like an empty shell.

I realize now that I wasn’t an empty shell - I was a vessel!

In the two years that have passed, I allowed the Lord to lead me.

(*allow, for lack of a better word. I knew He was going to shape and stretch me whether I liked it or not)

In the midst of all the hurt, there was so much joy.

God led me back to parts of me I thought were gone forever. I was creative again, I felt like ME.

I miraculously healed from a DEEP seeded fear of commitment as God revealed to me that my boyfriend was the

safe, loving, and joy-filled man I prayed for. We married just six months later.

Life has become almost unrecognizable as I’ve left behind communities, friendships, and the only home I’d known for all of my adult life, but I trusted God to shepherd me.

This morning as I sit on the front porch looking over the creek, I am completely overwhelmed with gratitude.

It’s not a single thing like the life I thought I would have- but it’s the life I wanted.

In fact, it is exactly the life my heart so deeply desired.

God knew.